Before ‘Mind’ runs out.

 Sunday I started a new blog, then got distracted as felt a longing to visit my baby brother. Anyone who watched Gavin and Stacey Christmas repeat from last year, will know that ‘baby Neil’ is now 12. My baby brother is 55, 56 on 17th January. There is often a debate as to whether it is better to ‘know’ someone is terminal, or better to have no warning. My sister in law said a few months ago, through very sad tears, she wished she didn’t know her wonderful husband was facing death sometime in the near future. It was overwhelming to contemplate the how and when. I think some days she is glad they have known, and other more anxious days wished they were ignorant of what was to pass. David, himself, is glad he knew. He has had 6 amazing years that he did not anticipate once he had the original diagnosis at the tender age of 49. We wondered as it was stage 4 cancer, and spread quite fiercely that he may not make his 50th birthday. He did. He enjoyed his already planned party celebrations w

We have never before had to ‘fix’ the Christmas tree. Great job, Josh it looks as good as new. I think the cat prefers it looking pretty as he hasn’t climbed it again yet. Just sat staring. I think he believes we have undone all his hard work of removing all the ornaments and several branches so he has a good view from level ‘D’, colour coded purple. Maybe he has matured overnight and has moved on from cat teenager. Our eldest asked me today if the cat  is everything I had hoped it would be. It is a resounding ‘yes’. It has been many years since I cohabited with a feline. I once had a cat called Timmy, all black. He was badly injured one day, and my friend who I was sharing a house with volunteered to accompany us to the vets. Weirdly, well now it seems weird’, she came into the treatment room with us. Think we were about 21. Fit and healthy. So it was a complete shock when slumped on the floor behind me.  The poor vet was in the process of taking Timmy’s temperature...and wasn't s

Well to be more accurate stalker ‘Turner’. Pete’s boss (a very dear and ‘old’ friend) asked him today if Pete had read my blogs. He answered simply no. His boss looked a little surprised. Pete followed up with “I live them”. So I thought today I would tell you how Pete swept me off my feet, begged me to go out with him...sorry that was in my dreams. It actually happened like this... Due to me being a somewhat lazy teenager, parents divorcing, and a hotchpot of reasons, I searched for affirmation and love in the wrong places.  Another story for another day.  Eventually I saw the ‘light’ literally during a church service. It was like a road to Damascus conversion. You can google that if it sounds weird. It was the changing point of my life. Opening my heart to Jesus. I know that will shock...no one. Well I hope not. My gratitude to God for filling me with a tangible love that Easter Sunday in 1987 is eternal. Most of you may have noticed I am a big fan. I’m so grateful my friend did not

 T’was the week before Christmas...actually 2 days to go. For years I have overestimated the month of December. It is not in fact 4 weeks to prepare, after All these years, it still surprises me like an unexpected thunder storm.  I am currently living in two universes. Sadly my brother has moved into the beautiful Pendleside Hospice. I am beyond grateful that there was a bed available and that these incredible places exist. He has been twice before for respite and for observation, they are all amazing people there with huge hearts. The doctors are incredibly humble, treating everyone with such high respect. The nurses, the chef, the cleaners and volunteers are filled with a quiet inner joy, that comforts you as they smile a knowing smile. It is loaded with such compassion, you know they know.  Sometime in their past you sense they to have suffered loss as it is not self pity they exude, but a genuine empathy. David was greeted like a family member when I took him in on his second admis

 How far back can you remember? Christmases long past. I recall the very thin wrapping paper, on presents under our Nan’s big metal framed bed. I slept on a camp bed that was just below the bottom of the frame. Our dear grandad slept on their very small settee, nan and my older sister Debbie slept in the creaky bed. I spotted the two big parcels neatly wrapped under the bed. The temptation for a 5 year old was overwhelming, so I crawled under and spread the thin paper between my small hands. You could easily see the ‘mousetrap’ picture and the other ‘kerplunk’. My sister never forgave me for excitedly informing her of the games to be enjoyed, long before we got to open them.  It became my mission every Christmas after that to hunt the house for presents...much to my siblings’ horror. David remembers vividly the year I stole the element of surprise by revealing to him an action man complete with an army tank was earmarked for him - and did he want to have a peak. Apparently it spoilt hi

 2020 will go down in history as the craziest year. A mixture of sadness, frustration, joy, blessings and an appreciation for fellow humans. Selfishly I have enjoyed being paid by the government to stay at home. I have been one of the many that have benefited, having the longest time off work in my life. Those who have worked harder than ever before, I salute you. Those who have lost loved ones, or not been able to see or hug them, my heart breaks for you. For all learner drivers my heart goes out to you. What a frustrating year for you all, so happy for those who have managed a pass in these turbulent times. At the beginning of the first lockdown I was beyond excited that I had infinite amount of time to complete my accounts months before the January deadline. I could sort the garden out. Paint the house. Write my book. Complete the couch to 5k run. All the jobs I swore I would do if only I had time. I was given the gift of unprecedented time. All the above remain undone. Thankfully I

 I’ m nearly 59 years old. I am certain my brain cells are decreasing faster by the day. How will I know if I have dementia...what is a normal loss of memory as we age. Why do I think about writing a book every day, but end up playing Candy Crush? I’m definitely shrinking, but not in the favoured direction, down not in. Why do I jet propel myself round the supermarket with toxic loud wind. Thank God for the 2 metre rule and face masks.  So here I am. A daily blog. Hopefully anyone following will know when my ‘mind’ is failing, and time has run out. Until then my task is to write all I have wanted to, and maybe more over the past few decades. My bedroom is like an escape room, and today I was planning to de clutter, sort through the mountain range of clothes, Amazon parcels, Next bags and other paraphernalia to be more ready for Christmas. This plan has been in place for the past 3 weeks. This is today’s distraction.  The plan has been moved to tomorrow. I am relaxing in our small conse