Stalker Smith

Well to be more accurate stalker ‘Turner’.

Pete’s boss (a very dear and ‘old’ friend) asked him today if Pete had read my blogs. He answered simply no. His boss looked a little surprised. Pete followed up with “I live them”.

So I thought today I would tell you how Pete swept me off my feet, begged me to go out with him...sorry that was in my dreams. It actually happened like this...

Due to me being a somewhat lazy teenager, parents divorcing, and a hotchpot of reasons, I searched for affirmation and love in the wrong places. 

Another story for another day. 

Eventually I saw the ‘light’ literally during a church service. It was like a road to Damascus conversion. You can google that if it sounds weird. It was the changing point of my life. Opening my heart to Jesus.

I know that will shock...no one. Well I hope not. My gratitude to God for filling me with a tangible love that Easter Sunday in 1987 is eternal. Most of you may have noticed I am a big fan.

I’m so grateful my friend did not take me to a bar the night I caught up with her, when I was at my lowest, but persuaded me to go to church instead. To be fair those who know Pete would agree if she had we may have met anyway. Do you believe in destiny, soul mates? 

I had had Two long term relationships that ended badly, the parting shot from the last one was  “You are such a pig, no one will ever love you...” it ran deep.

I was an empty vessel, so lots of room for The Holy Spirit to pour in pure love. I bounced out of the service like a pin ball in a pin ball machine.

It is only my heavier body mass that keeps me grounded these days, inside I’m still bouncing. I am still grateful 33 years later God is still journeying with me and ahead of me.

My ‘crazy’ born again friend told me if I wanted a good husband to pray for one.

My prayer was simple “Please find me a man to love me for myself, and one day we  have a lovely family.”

I thought I would give Him 2 years. I was 25. If I could have reached the shelf I would have put myself on it. I knew it had to be God’s choice as I was such a bad judge of character when it came to men.

I had already met Pete, the year before, weirdly in America and England, through one of the ex boyfriends. God’s plans are written way before we have an inkling.

I fell in love with him, his humbleness, kind heart, hard working, fun...handsome. Way out of my league. It felt safe to dream from a distance. 

On his return to England, I bumped into him again, my ex and I remained friends ...evidently I had stopped oinking. On my sales job I would drop by their office to grab a coffee.

I heard his voice long before I saw him. I casually followed his dulcet tones and acted surprised when I found him.

He barely recognised me. He was polite, accepted the offer of a coffee, from the machine in the corridor and we exchanged pleasantries. I reminded him that he promised to play me at squash, as the game of racquet ball in America had literally gone over my head. I was very proud of my squash playing. Those that have played squash with me, please take that smirk off your faces.

He was generous in his reply. “If you book the court, I’ll play with you.”

Words I had dreamt to hear. Oh my I’m sorry, back to the Christian testimony. 

Sneakily I spoke to another friend there and discovered Pete also loved the cinema.

What could go wrong?

Nonchalantly I booked the squash court for that Friday, 3 days later. I was keen, so keen. But I knew I had to play it cool. This guy didn’t have relationships, never anything serious. It was worth the risk.

I know you are thinking oh my this girl was creepy, even evil, trying to trap an unsuspecting innocent chap....I can assure you that when I confessed further down the line, apparently it was obvious to Pete from day 1. Oops.

Going back to the squash followed by cinema night.

First I had to buy some squash looking kit and new trainers, to look my most sporty. Tied my hair up in a cute ponytail. Yes it was before I had round cheeks and a triple chin.

I gave it my all, throwing myself around the squash court like a mini Tarzan , swooping the balls back, running into the walls, with a sheer determination to impress. 

Afterwards I was lying on the changing room floor face down unable to move for at least ten minutes trying to restore a steady breathing pattern again. I had smashed it. 

I found out a few weeks later That he had ‘played down to my level’ quote from mutual friend. Grrrr.

Off we went to the cinema to watch Mannequin. A carefully chosen romantic film. We both enjoyed that and then finished the evening with a drink in the bar opposite.

I popped into the toilet, glanced in the mirror and to my absolute horror saw the reddest face ever on a human being staring back at me. It looked like I had burst a blood vessel. Several blood vessels. I Immediately took an executive decision to not play any exertion sport whilst chasing man of my dreams.

I did play golf. Well I was on the golf course. Whilst Pete was bent over looking at some miniature frogs jumping in a pond, waiting patiently for me to catch up. The last swing I thought I would go for it. I swung the club up and hit the ball with all my might. S*** the ball shot in the air and headed towards his bottom. I thought it was going to knock him in the pond. I fell on the floor giggling hysterically. Thankfully it whistled past his ear nearly skimming the edge off and landed in the pond.

I learnt that day he was patient, very patient, and forgiving. We trundled back to the bar, only having completed ...well he had completed 6 holes.

Golf was crossed off the list.

At a Hockey festival I volunteered myself to join in the women’s game. I had not played since school days. Who knew you didn’t wear black plimsoll looking ankle boots anymore, and you had shorts under your skirt, or just shorts.

I swear the German opposition looked like rhinos stampeding towards me, I freaked I slipped, Bridget Jones knickers were not even big enough to cover my decency.

Covered from head to foot like Peppa Pig on a muddy puddle day, I slinked off to the side and never returned. I Crossed hockey off the list of possible shared activities. Pete still plays 33 years on. I love all things hockey, especially the people, but just not good for me to be holding a hockey stick. Ever.

Running short of ideas, we had a great time on a car treasure hunt in my lovely friends open topped Mercedes. This was a great result. I did try to run elegantly To make my legs look longer as I jumped out to hunt for the clues, it may have worked.

We had fun over the months becoming the best of friends. Once when I gave him a lift home, after he had a couple of beers, he kissed me goodnight. I still haven’t washed the spot.

Only the once tho. I even tried to get him drunk again, but nope, no more kisses on the cheek. I was sad. Peter Smith was definitely out of my reach. He just wasn’t interested in a romantic ending.

I continued to play super cool, although it got harder. Begging crossed my mind, but I refrained.

He had many events planned during the summer, so I didn’t get to see him much at weekends. I pretended I was happy for him. This playing the not interested party was hard work, and I prayed to God, asking Him to show me if Pete was a decent guy, was He the one God had chosen for me?

I have so much more to tell, but I’m going to fast forward to a lunchtime, just before the August Bank Holiday. He was telling me how he intended going home to Wales to see his family in Bridgend. I smiled sweetly whilst dying inside. Another weekend without my lovely friend to spend it with.

He then nonchalantly asked if I wanted to join him. The overriding joy and shock was so intense I wasn’t sure if I was actually jumping on the tables or it was just in my mind. 

“I will check my diary, but yes if I’m free that would be great.” I could be so cool I was like a frozen popsicle.

I think I managed to walk out of their at a steadier pace than my heart was beating.

I returned to the office to do absolutely nothing but Jibber to anyone willing to hear my excellent news.

But was it? He was a wonderful friend, so easy to be with, he laughed at my jokes. He seemed to enjoy my company. Was I only ever going to be a best friend?

I called him at work...”So sorry I forgot to get back to you” I lied...Christianity was new to me, I was still learning the rules. I would love to come to Wales with you.

I prayed and I prayed. Please God give me a sign, I’m smitten with this man, I love everything about him. If he is not your choice please let me know now. The longer it goes on being his mate, the more heartbroken I will be, if he finds a girlfriend. 

Anything to help me know, please God. I decided to go with God’s decision, after all I had asked Him to choose the right man for me. I Would have to walk away if He said no.

After meeting everyone on the Friday night, going out with friends in town, relaxing on Saturday, it seemed to be going very well. I was hoping for a small sign in answer to my heartfelt prayer.

After everyone in the house had retired to bed, we were chatting on the couch. Without warning he just turned to me and simply said...”Will you marry me?”...I looked Heavenward and said in my heart. Yes, that is a good enough sign, thank you Jesus.

3 months later we were married.

33 years of Pete telling me daily more than once that he loves me, whatever state of mind or body I’m in...4 gorgeous sons, one angel, a daughter in law and three granddaughters is the lovely family and more that I had prayed for.

God has Blessed me in abundance and has given me way more than I asked for. 5 men to love me for myself, not just one...a man that I look up to, not just because he towers above me, a man that I love deeply for all that he is. A home full of love and laughter. 

We have giggled nearly every day together , never argued, although I have shouted a few times, he has never shouted back or raised his voice to me. He loves me for me. For how God created me to be.

But he doesn’t read my blogs.

He lives them.

 Amen to that. Amen to answered prayer from 33 years ago.

Warning: Holy footnote

Faith, Hope and love, but the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinthians 13 verse 13.

Don’t ever think you are not worthy of love. God created you to be you. Let know one rob you of that. Do not be less of who you are for someone else. God loves every part of you, always. He sacrificed His only son so that we all may live. There is nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven. His plans for your life will not be boring. But they will be for you. Amen to that. X